Brad, a next generation member of a family business was venting to me: “It happened again. I brought up my expansion idea and Uncle Fred said that we’ve tried that before, it didn’t work and we won’t be making that dumb move again. He doesn’t care what I think.”
Separately, Fred told me that Brad, “…just isn’t stepping up. He doesn’t seem to take initiative on anything.”
Clearly, these two aren’t hearing each other. Creating space for next gens to both offer their ideas and listen to feedback is an untapped opportunity for growth and development – for both generations! To help family business folks take full advantage of these opportunities for engagement, we propose you think about both preparation and practice.
Preparation
No one is born an excellent communicator. Instead, effective communication is a skill to learn and hone. Communication skills that serve family business leaders are learned in a classroom and during real-life experiences. To build these foundational skills, take advantage of a class, book or podcast that focuses on developing self-awareness, conflict management, active listening or giving and receiving feedback.
Additionally, learning communication skills together can give a group of next gens (or an entire management team) common language, a shared experience and accountability in application of the learned skills.
Practice
It is important for the next gens to have actual, real-time and real-life opportunities to put into practice the skills they are developing and get some coaching and feedback as they go. Consider the following techniques that the leading gen can model and next gens can develop and practice.
Listening
A common misperception of leaders is they must know all the answers. This isn’t good leadership, and as businesses and families grow in complexity, this belief is particularly unrealistic and harmful. Instead, good leaders listen, ask thoughtful questions, and continuously learn about challenges and opportunities. Learning to listen well – to hear what is being said and notice what is not being talked about – requires a mindset of humility and is a critical communication practice. If listening isn’t a strong trait in the leading gen, it probably won’t be a skill easily developed by those in the next gen.
Practice active listening. Instead of simply answering someone’s statement or question, first "mirror back" what your speaker said in a slightly modified format, using starter phrases like: “If I'm right, what I hear you saying is...” OR “As I understand it, you're feeling/thinking...”
Seek Feedback
Next gen employees in family businesses don’t always get great feedback on performance and attitude. Sometimes it’s because they’re in a small business that doesn’t practice a lot of regular feedback conversations. And sometimes their last name prevents even the most skilled of supervisors from giving honest input. Therefore, next gen family business employees must intentionally seek feedback. Mom, dad or Uncle Fred may work closely with their next gen. If so, these leading gen members should work hard on the skills to give input on work performance. Additionally, leading gens might ask trusted vendors (agronomists, vets, nutritionists, lenders, etc.) for specific performance input. These folks often see lots of next gens and are equipped to give broader perspective on how a next gen is doing. And, they usually have to be asked to provide it.
Create Space
Besides looking for real-time opportunities, leading gens can also create specific experiences during which next gens can practice communication skills. Creating a “safe” space to fail is critical in building the confidence of the next gens. Be mindful: if you’re giving next gens a decision to make, be sure you’re able to be comfortable with whatever they choose. Trumping or overturning a next gen decision sets their development and commitment back faster than nearly any other action.
• Ask older next gens to present key learnings from a conference they attended to the family or management team. Bonus points for asking a pair or team to collaborate and then share their joint insights.
• Pair two next gens up, provide them with introductions to other family businesses and ask them to research and report on a family business choice, e.g., what has been the outcome of requiring next gens to work outside the family business before returning?
• Identify opportunities for next gens to serve on non-profit or industry boards or committees.
Conclusion
Based on our experience working with a large number of next gens, many have significant motivation, plans and hopes for their future contribution in the family business. This approach can allow for intentional, practical, focused communication skill development – one of the most foundational skills to sustain family and business well into the future. This is work of both the leading and next gens. It can be uncomfortable and will include mistakes. And, it can be some of the most rewarding work you will do in your family business!
To view the article in the online 2023 Summer Partners Magazine, click here.
